just curious or overly paranoid?

So I've been doing a lot of self reflecting recently and trying to understand myself, figure out why exactly i do the things i do and understand how my thoughts and feelings get turned into action.

So i started thinking about my curiosity I'd have to say I'm curious like a kitten. I like to know things, i want facts and details and explanations, a lot of times it's about things i don't even need to know or perhaps something i shouldn't know. We'll look at interior reasons for my curiosity and disregard any exterior reasons.

This brings me to my point, is my curiosity purely curiosity is or it based off of paranoia. As i was thinking about things i started to realize that i can be overly paranoid about things at time, which is normal. BUT i think it's actually more than that, i may actually be so paranoid that i use "curiosity" as a cover for it.

I end up thinking "if they can't tell me that it must be bad, if it's bad it must be about me. therefore this is something i need to know" which to me rationalizes the process of getting something out of said person. It's interesting, i may not actually be curious, just paranoid about not knowing everything.

In ethics class we discussed that authentic happiness leads to a good quality of life. Authentic happiness is made up of knowing all the relevant facts and being autonomous. For example in the situation of Betty the housewife, she lives her whole life happy knowing her husband loves her, bu before she dies he tells her that he cheated on her multiple times. All though the women may say she had a happy life it wasn't a good life, because she hat at the time based that happiness on the what she thought was a fact that her husband was only devoted to her, when he wasn't.

however there is a point where you just can't care about things and certain knowledge doesn't lead towards a better quality of life because you can't know everything. It's a very interesting dilemma, one which i seem to take care of by trying to know and understand everything, which in turn only causes me more pain generally than good. So i guess i'm paranoid about not knowing something important that i base my quality of life off of...

Wow. Some food for thought.