Legend of zelda spirit tracks

WOAH! k so for x-mas i got the not so long awaited new Zelda game for ds. I've played every zelda game except for 1 and 2 so i've been around the block. I KNOW that the gameboy games don't stand up to ocarina or twilight princess BUT they're still generally AMAZING fucking games. i'm STILL trying to get everything in links awakening some of the secret stuff is fucking hard to get k? ever try to go throuhg links awakening without dieing either? that's a bitch. I HAVE you get a special ending with doves flying around. So you know, i've come to expect decent games out of the Zelda series.Phantom hourglass has to be the worst out of the series. Until this game. Spirit tracks is SO BAD i can't even bring myself to finish it! fuck you ign for giving it a 9.3 nintendo must have paid a LOT for you to suck that much cock. This game is retarded. YEAH the whole thing about REDOING the main dungeon got fixed and i like it. BUT IT'S SO BAD. fuck. i NEVER got stuck. i always knew what to do and where to go. WELL except for when some kid asked me to take him to a place where he could fly with the birds. turns out bird land wasn't good enough, he wanted a hot air balloon... sounds very bird friendly to me. fucker. ANYWAYS. here's all my problems with the game in sequential order of how much it fucking pisses me off. spoiler alert one items, cause i was pretty fucking amazed when i got a couple items so i don't wanna ruin it if you're gonna play the game. but i labeled it.

1. Controlling fucking zelda while she's inhabiting a armor is FUCKING HARD AND STUPID! fuck. there's even a boss where you're suppose to get both zelda AND link to dodge stuff, but you can only control one at time, making the fight a living hell full of screaming at the bitch (zelda) for getting in the way. BUT to make it worse there's a "call" button, which is SUPPOSE to make zelda come to your location. EXCEPT that she only tries to move in a straight line, so if she's on the other side of a block you'll have to get her OR move her to you. BUT the path finder gets worse. it has trouble with different heights. and instead of taking stairs she'll jump, BUT she'll jump into quick sand and die. fucking bitch. you'd think they'd make a decent path finder? but no dice.

SPOILER START

2.k so one of the items you get is a whip. yeah awesome make you feel like fucking indiana jones, roaming through dungeons looking for shit fighting bosses, being followed by an annoying transparent female. BUT who needs anything else once you get the whip? SURe it doesn't do as much damage as the sword, BUT it's unlimited and you're pretty much fucking invincible while flailing this thing around, fuck the shitty sword controls, just TAP YOUR ENEMIES TO DEATH! Only good thing is you can whip zelda while she's in armor. TAKE THAT BITCH! JUST LIKE LAST NIGHT!

SPOILER DONE

3. the bosses are SO fucking easy. WELL except for the second one. i actually died agaainst him. BUT that's cause you have to guess at where to hit the bitch. left or right. get it wrong twice he fucking owns you. and i only had 4 hearts cause getting any extra secret hearts would make the game too fucking easy. not only that most of the boses are just gimicky, unfun, unoriginal and stupid. fuck. where'd the hard bosses go?

4. BOMBS. most zelda games either give you bombs, force you to find them or EVENTUALLY expect you to have gotten them. but throughout the WHOLE game i never needed them. if there was a secret bombable spot or someplace to use a bomb there was a bomb flower right beside it. so wtf was the point of giving us bombs as a item? dumb fucks.

5. fuck you train. i miss fucking getting on my horse and riding across the epic landscape or getting in my boat and sailing to wherever the fuck the wind took me. but with these fucking tracks to get from a to b you either go left and up or right and up. you've been left 5 times and right 7 times. have fun. even fucking having to navigate from one side of a island to another is better atleast i can fucking pretend to get lost or accidentally find a secret, there ARE no secret places. there's just tracks that go no where so OBVIOUSLY something must fucking be there. nice job hiding the secret fags.

6. Overall it feels really fucking childish. It's like their intended audience is 10 year old retards that are gonna say "CHOO CHOOO" while shuffling their feet as they drive their train. hopefully the fucker is wearing wool socks and shocks this piece of crap game out of existence. What ever happened to epic dungeons and HARD bosses? crazy secrets, the fucking water temple of FUCKING HELL?! WHAT HAPPENED NINTENDO?! if you wanna make an action zelda type game call it something else don't ruin the zelda series anymore than you have!

7. it's not even the same fucking assholes from phantom hourglass and wind waker! it's everyone fucking grand children. that all migrated to some fucking country where they built temples and shit to hide all of links awesome items. and what's with the tech?! steam trains but no guns or machines or anything?! they're still using "magic" for shit. fucking game.

Overall all i have to say to this game is "thanks for the fun and making me feel retarded cause all i could do was over think all the puzzles and fuck you for being such a gay game. why'd i fucking buy it?!